Friday, May 9, 2008

O Medicine, why dost thou bludgeon me?

Okay. I have done a lot of flipping out on this blog. But nothing--nothing--has prepared me for the amount of flipping out that is about to commence.

I was so damn cocky. I have studied and worked very, very hard over the course of this year, partially because I want to get into a very competitive speciality, partially because of THE FEAR (that old friend to all mudphuds returning to the clinic after a prolonged absence), partially because, and call me crazy, but I want to be a good doctor. In any case, I felt that I was really doing well and getting more than the gist of 3rd year. I mean, I'm practically DONE, right? I've done all my rotations except medicine. I felt like I at least mostly knew the basics of what was going on.

Until now.

Right now the main thing I'm feeling is YIKES. Because I. Don't. Know. Crap.

The things I don't know fall into many categories:

1. Things I Thought I Knew But Clearly Don't Know: Antibiotic coverage, diabetes.
2. Things I Thought I At Least Sort of Knew But Know Nothing About: EKGs, VERY basic labs and their meaning.
3. Things I Knew I Didn't Know And Thought I Had More Time to Learn Before Looking Like an Idiot: Basically everything else.

Add to this that the entire week has been crammed full of graduation events for my husband. I'm very proud of him, but couldn't he have picked a more convenient time to graduate?!?! In any case, that's all for now. I'm sure you recognize the pattern by now, of me starting something new->freaking out->posting about said freakout->going into crazy study mode->chilling out slightly->getting close to the shelf test->freaking out again and more robustly->taking shelf->posting about how tolerable or terrifying the shelf test was->moving on to the next freakout. So, I will go now to partake in crazy study mode. I'll see you when I'm approaching chilling out slightly!!!

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