Well, today was my first day of 4th year medical school. It was great, and also scary. It was great to say out loud, "I'm a 4th year." It was scary to have people assume that somehow that means I know what I'm doing.
It's also great and scary because I'm no longer at my home base. I am doing a rotation at a somewhat nearby (also, major rival) school. In a field, which I love and want to enter, which I have not done, ever. With my limited, one-day experience, I have to say it has been pretty great. It's always scary for me to try completely new things, but I'm trying to focus on the positive, exciting parts of trying completely new things. Like, for example, it's nice to have new things to suck at, when all the other things I suck at start to get old.
No, but really, everyone was very nice today, and I think I am going to have a good month, which is followed by a super awesome two more weeks off. So, overall, I'm very pleased. Except...
Well, here's the thing I can't stop thinking about.
Vacation was awesome. You know what I really liked about it? The part where I don't have to do anything. It is actually making me feel kind of conflicted. Like, shouldn't I have been more excited to get back to things? Shouldn't I have at least been less depressed to be done with my vacation?
Here's the thing. I think that whole "Do for a living what you would do for free" thing is real nice in theory, but it hardly ever works out like that. I think that finding that job is like winning the lottery. I think that you are pretty damn lucky if you don't hate your job, and even luckier if you sort of like it.
I don't know... how many people do you know who would keep their job if they won the lottery? I'd like to say that I would, but I don't know that I would. I am trying to chalk some of this up to the fact that we are still not really moved in yet. The place is a mess, which I hate, but I hit a wall, and with the hubby on night float I'm not sure how much more I can do. I'm telling myself that if we can just make it through this damn night float that things will be better. And that's a whole separate post... how many times I've said that over the past 7 years of training. "If I can just make it through (insert whatever phase I'm in at the point), things will be better". But there's always something new.
But those are thoughts for another day. Today it is time to start some reading, and here's another reason to cheer: I'm reading to try and look like less of an idiot, but NOT FOR A SHELF EXAM. If that's not a reason to embrace novelty, I don't know what is.